Sometimes it's just easier to be invisible.

How bad would it be to just wrap up cash for everyone in my family for Christmas? I am so not in the shopping mood, not even online shopping.

I remember many years ago it was great fun to head to the Westminster Mall, Lakeside Mall, or Villa Italia Mall to do Christmas shopping. I could find pretty much everything I needed at the mall. People weren't crabby, and things weren't expensive. Now all of those malls are completely gone. The buildings are long gone. Malls have been replaced by huge complexes of stores, they don't really interest me.

Fa la la la la.

My nephew is beginning a new journey today. It will not be easy and I know there will be times he will want to give up, but I know he can do it. I can't wait to see him come out the other side with a new life.

I love you, Daniel.

While I enjoy autumn, I do not enjoy the bare trees and the brown grass for months and months on end. I love the beginning moments of fall... the trees bursting with yellow and orange leaves, not yet ready to detach themselves and head for the ground.

It's easier to feel sad in the fall, I believe. And that's not something we need to be easier, believe me.

Happy Father's Day to my daddy.

Even though I've been retired for four years now, my life still feels like it runs on a school schedule. Next week is the last week of school for my district, and I have to admit I feel an anticipation of the end of next week, and the start of summer "break" the week after. 

Things I miss about teaching

• reading out loud
• the first week of school, setting routines and introducing the kids to how we will run the classroom
• the half hour before kids come in the door every day (quiet, peaceful)
• hugs every day
• getting notes from the kids here and there
• writing on the chalkboard (I know, weird)
• timed multiplication fact tests (again, I know, weird)
• reading out loud
• Book Fair

Things I don't miss about teaching

• staff meetings
• parents who take responsibility for their children's poor choices
• district meetings
• PTA meetings
• making a lunch every day
• Sunday evenings

At just what point does a person say "enough"?

And by the way, I love you, Starbucks. You make me happy most days.

Inappropriate and Traumatizing Elf on the Shelf Activities (click here)

Wish I had kids so I could try these!!

A couple more wedding photos-- because I love them. Two months ago-- the time goes so fast!

So much of the time I feel like the days start and end one right after the other and I don't really know what I've done with my time. It's a good thing I'm not being held accountable for my time.

It feels like I am in a constant state of worry. Worry that this person won't be able to pull his life together and it will end up badly. Worry that a relationship needs to end but not knowing how to even start. Worry that my knees will never feel better and I will walk like this the rest of my life.

Worry, worry, worry.

July 30, 2011 The Wedding

Niece Katie's bridal shower was tonight. It was a mix of family, friends, and church folks. This photo is Katie (second from left) with three friends she's known since middle school, all in her bridal party. 

It's hard to keep friendships going, sometimes even after trying to tend to them over the years, relationships fall by the wayside. I think as we get older, we all just think people will be around if we need them, but this isn't always the case. I have good friends from high school that I used to consider close friends. Up until a few years ago I'd even still say that, but the sad reality is if I don't do the tending, there is no tending. And honestly, one-sided tending makes for weak relationships. 

At what point do you just let them go?

Spent most of the day and night yesterday with friends-- and it was much needed. During the day, spent time scrapbooking with teaching buddies. Last night I met some friends for a hilarious play, which resulted in laughing so much our cheeks hurt. It's been a really, really long time since I laughed that hard.

This weekend is a bridal shower for niece #2, whose wedding is in two weeks. She's getting married-- can't believe it. No real reason, I still just see her as a little kid!

It's too hot today. I'm dreading going up and showering and blow drying my hair. Ugh.

I think it's about time find a professional listener. I've known this for quite awhile now, but the thought of finding one is completely overwhelming. And the thought of talking about what I need to talk about is even more overwhelming, because everyone knows as soon as you give spoken words to something, it becomes real and not just in your imagination anymore.