I was surfing around looking for a party, celebration or school quote to put on the top of our end-of-year school party invitation, and ran across some Jack handy quotations. these always make me laugh, so I'm sharing a few with you. I know my sister loves them as well, so maybe she'll add a few of her favorites in the comments. I remember one that had to do with some keys and a volcano or something--D--do you remember that one?
"If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out of the fireplace onto the carpet. Then jump on top of it with your body and yell, "Log o' fire! Log o' fire!" I've never done this, but I think it'd work."
"If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not."
“Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.”
"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."
“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.”
“To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks."