Sunday, May 24, 2009's been a cold rainy day around these here parts. It's been a pretty lazy Sunday-- a two hour massage this morning, a nap this afternoon. Not much on tv tonight-- so maybe I'll pop in a movie.

It's the end of the school year for most, and I've subbed more than usual the last couple of weeks. I've enjoyed all of the assignments, and have been pleased to find, upon arrival, a fairly easy day with the classes each time. It's definitely been interesting to see how different teachers run their classrooms, and what instructions are left for a sub. In many of the libraries I've subbed in they haven't even left me a schedule or a list of classes. In the classrooms I've only gotten a seating chart once, and it didn't include last names. It was for a teacher that is super organized, and at the top was a note: "I'm not sure this is accurate-- we may have changed seats since then". I think the casual attitude is probably due to the fact that I know the kids in all these classrooms, which makes sense, but it's still sometimes a little unnerving to walk in cold like that.

I'm still trying to let go of the idea that the people I shared a school with are my friends. I'm not sure that's entirely accurate anymore, or maybe it never really was, and it's been a pretty tough realization. When my birthday came and went with no notice except for the obligatory facebook entry, I knew it was time to move on. I had been sending birthday cards and giving gifts to my still-teaching friends all year-- and thought I'd at least hear from a couple of them. When I realized last week they were having their year-end party as always and I hadn't been invited, it was blatantly clear I wasn't considered part of their world anymore. It made me wonder if I ever really had been. I know it's not intentional, but I realize I'm not a consideration for them. The same thing happened when I left my first school for this one-- except for LM who has really tried to stay in touch. Teammates I taught with for years and years were never heard from again. Phone messages are not returned, neither are emails.

The thing I find so bothersome is that for the nine years I was there I made sure anyone who had left the school in previous years was included in all news, invitations, retirements, care and concern, etc... There have been at least two major events in the last couple of years that I found out about long after the fact, and by complete accident.

It's always a little sad (okay, more than a little) when you discover your relationships are not what you thought they were for whatever reason. People move on, life gets in the way, and people have their own worries to deal with. Life goes on. Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, la la how the life goes on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

CB, I know what you are saying. I did not get one notice of anything happening at the school I was at last year, even though I taught the sixth graders. No visit to OELS, no invite to Continuation, no invite to LS retirement. Wow, I guess I really made a difference, huh? From Mikey.